Cross
by 100YardDash
Summary: During his freshman year at McKinley, Kurt had a crisis of faith that shook him at his core. Inspired by Bare: A Pop Opera.


**Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing but the general plot of this story. Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, and Ian Brennan. Bare: A Pop Opera and the lyrics to the song Cross belong to Jon Hartmere, Jr. and the late Damon Intrabartolo. **

**A/N: This story is fairly angsty and, if you don't know anything about Bare, deals with the Church's views on homosexuality. So, read at your own risk.**

As he sat in the front most pew of St. Ignatius' Catholic Church, Kurt Elias Hummel asked himself, for the tenth time in five minutes, what the hell he had been thinking going to church on a Tuesday.

Kurt wasn't exactly what you could call pious. He went to services most Sundays with his dad and would pray occasionally, but he didn't really take Catholicism all that seriously. It just wasn't something he spent a great deal of time being concerned about; there were more important things to worry about: like keeping an eye on his dad, avoiding pranks the upperclassmen liked to pull on freshmen like him, and, above all, making sure no one knew he was gay.

School's where all the trouble had started in the first place.

About a week ago, someone had started posting plain flyers all over school with anti-gay slogans printed on them. Things like, "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." and "Lying with mankind as with womankind: it is abomination."

Normally, he would ignore something so stupid and chalk it up to the ignorance of Lima Losers. But, the flyers kept popping up all over the school every day—even though Principal Figgins kept telling the janitors to remove them and threatened to suspend anyone caught with a flyer. To be honest, the constant stream of hate from the flyers was starting to eat at him.

So, he'd gone to church after school today and decided to talk to Father Matthew. He was in his thirties and smiled a lot and seemed kindhearted. Surely, he could put Kurt's fears to rest.

At that exact moment, Father Matthew popped out of the confessional booth and locked eyes with him. He smiled warmly and came closer.

"Kurt!" He beamed. "It's nice to see you! Anything I can do for you?"

"Is confession over?" He asked in a small voice. He grimaced internally at how meek he sounded.

"Not at all. Go in and we can have a chat." Father Matthew reassured.

Kurt did as he was told and sat on the confessor's side of the both.

"Bless me father, for I have sinned." Kurt said. "I can't remember the last time I confessed. I'm sorry I've come so late, but I didn't know where else to go."

"You know you can always come here." Father Matthew said. "Begin."

"These are my sins, but where to begin? I don't know if I have it in me." He admitted.

"Go on."

"Still I recall the peace that would fall, when I believed that you could forgive me."

"Kurt, you need to tell me what's wrong if you want my help." Father Matthew said in a surprisingly patient tone.

Kurt ran a hand through his hair as he struggled to find the right thing to say. "I don't know where to start. Yes, I do—it's a start, and a finish. God, it's the root of everything."

"I'm here to listen, here to understand you. Tell me what lies in your heart." Father Matthew said kindly. "And in the telling, you'll find the peace you're seeking. You'll know the way once you start."

"I've tried to be strong, I've tried to belong. But I don't, or I won't. I can't, I can't!" Kurt huffed in frustration. "Such a simple, little word—never spoken, always heard. It's not something I can be! It's not ok, not for them! Do you know what I'm—?"

"Yes." Father Matthew's voice sounded harder now.

"What do I do?" He asked desperately.

"I know you're frightened, know I understand that, but there's only so much I would say. I can't live for you, but know that God is with you. Through Him you will find a way."

Kurt put his fingers to the screen that divided him from the priest. "Can I please see your face? I'm in such a desperate place. What do I do now? Tell me!"

"Child, confide in me." He heard Father Matthew mumble.

"I don't belong! I've never thought this was wrong!" Kurt continued, trying to hold back tears. "But if he knew, my dad would die. He would die!"

"So keep it quiet. I will hold your secret. You know that it's safe to confide! You're just a child, and things can change, I promise. You're young, you have time on your side." He said before adding. "Focus on your education."

"Is it okay?" Kurt asked. He just needed to hear a yes, then he could be okay.

"Keep your mind on other matters."

"Am I ok? Please answer me!" He said more forcefully.

"Pray for courage, pray for—"

"Why are you dancing?" Kurt demanded angrily.

"You know what I'll say." Father Matthew mumbled.

"Why won't you answer?" Kurt continued, now even more desperate. "God, won't you tell me? God!"

"No!" The priest yelled. "You know in your heart that the teaching is clear. Faith in the Father has led your soul here. Harrow the cross, let the church be your spine. Don't question too much, and you'll get along fine."

"But—" Kurt mumbled. He was desperately trying to hold back his tears now. He didn't want this man to hear him sob.

"Whatever you have done, I know God will forgive." Father Matthew continued, oblivious to the suffering in Kurt's soul. "Live in His word! He will always forgive. Go now the Spirit and live."

Without another word, Kurt bolted from the both and ran out of the church as fast as he possibly could. Once he was a few blocks away, he let out a scream and collapsed onto a grassy yard in tears.

"That asshole doesn't know anything!" He exclaimed as he curled into himself. "There's nothing wrong with me! There's nothing wrong with me!"

He was never going back into that stupid church. There was no way in hell he was going to spend every Sunday for the next three years listening to a man who probably thought he was an abomination. His dad wouldn't care if he stopped going. They usually missed services any way due to his dad's love of football and Kurt's love of sleeping in.

Kurt was done with the church. Praying, God, the whole shebang. If a bible could say that God thought he was sick, then Kurt didn't have to waste his time trying to believe in something like that.

"Hey, you okay?" He heard someone ask.

Kurt looked up from his kneecaps and came face-to-face with a beautiful teenage boy holding a grocery bag. For some reason, the boy was looking at him with a concerned expression.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Kurt said as he started to get up.

The boy nodded understandingly and offered his hand, which Kurt accepted as he got up from the ground.

"You don't look fine." The boy said suddenly as Kurt dusted himself off. "Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

He shrugged. "It's just been a bad day, that's all."

Suddenly, the boy smiled and pulled out a Kit Kat bar from his grocery bag.

"Here." He said with a small smile. "It'll help. My mom says chocolate makes everything better."

Dumbstruck, Kurt took the candy bar. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

Kurt ripped open the packaging and handed half of it to the boy. "My name's Kurt Hummel."

"Nice to meet you." He said before he started munching on the candy. "I'm Finn Hudson."

Kurt's eyebrows knitted at this before he took a small bite. "Don't we go to school together?"

The boy's face lit up, and a little bit of chocolate got on his chin. His boyishness was adorable. "I thought you looked familiar! I've seen you at assemblies."

"Yeah, aren't you on the football team?"

Finn snorted as he finished the last of the bar. "Barely. I've pretty much been on the bench all season. Coach Tanaka says I have to pay my dues, or whatever. Do you play any sports?"

"Not really. I'm more of a spectator." He said, even though calling himself a spectator was a downright lie. He couldn't care less about sports.

At that exact second, Finn's phone buzzed.

"Oh crap." He said. "I have to go. I'm sorry! It was nice to meet you Kurt! See you at school!"

"It was nice to meet you too!" Kurt called as Finn started to walk away. "See you!"

Finn waved back once and broke into a sprint. Kurt smiled, despite himself, and started to head home as he munched on the last of his candy. Finn's mom had been right, chocolate really did make things better.


End file.
